Emotions and Other Monsters

So after half a dozen failed blog posts, here I am typing in words just for the sake of it. Because I'm dying to see something else appear on top of my blog. Because I'm desperate to shake myself out of the 'block' my muse has abandoned me in. Because I want to prove to myself that I am capable of something productive- something, anything.

I am stuck in one of those periods of brain freeze again. Idleness makes anyone stupid, but in my case it also has the power to make me depressed and angry.When I close my eyes I yearn to see swirls of color. Without music I would die, and it is the opiate of wonderful people that keeps me from killing myself. (Why, oh why, all these melodramatic metaphors?)

Recently, I have often spoken of my fears, but now I realize that the worst fear a human, or any other creature for that matter, can experience is the fear of emotion. Their acuteness, their power, their complexity scares me.

I have learned the hard way that emotions are monsters you must embrace. Hideous leeches. All my life I have fought to keep away, to shield myself from their evil tentacles, to keep myself from being strangled by the creatures of the deep sea that we call Emotion.

Sometimes I have failed, often succeeded. But I must admit, there is a sense of liberation to be found in defeat, in succumbing to emotion. Building sand castles against the advancing waves brewed by a passing storm. Laughing as the ocean, grey and brooding, attempts to drag you to its depths, before it cascades and kisses your feet. Those are moments I choose to remember.

But then there are others, moments when emotions have killed me, almost. And those are the ones I fear.

That aside, here is The Sadistic Motives Behind Bereavement Letters by Arsis, a band I would kill to see live!