Sunday, September 2, 2012

Life without Braces

I just remembered that when I was still a baby-blogger, almost 3500 views ago, I used to write about my teeth. It's been more than a year since, and I now live without metal in my mouth, most of the time.

I say "most of the time" because I'm still required to wear what is called a retainer. Teeth have souls and minds of their own, and they are naturally inclined to return to their previous positions. That is why I have to wear a removable metal wire to control their movement. I'm required to wear it 24/7, removing it only during meals and when I brush my teeth, but I have a nasty habit of not wearing them for so many hours everyday. It's bad, I know. You may already have guessed the reason behind my reluctance to obey my dentist's orders. Yes, it's uncomfortable. Perhaps even more annoying than braces themselves. The wires are attached to a pink plastic that adheres to the palate. Yes, it does look like grandma's fake teeth.

Another reason I hate wearing it is because it makes me sound funny. We generate certain syllables by bringing the tongue into contact with the roof of the mouth. And I can't do that anymore. The worst part is, people who don't know me assume it's natural, that that is just the way I speak, and heaven forbid, they may even think that it is the accent of the part of the world I come from.

So yes, my retainer makes me feel horribly awkward. I am already a socially awkward penguin. But I still need to wear them, because otherwise all the pain and suffering and money and awkwardness of the last one and a half years will flush down the drain.

In retrospect, I really do like my new teeth. I smile a little less awkwardly now, and in pictures I look less like a grinning camel. Yes, I like the new me.

I've also had people ask me about getting orthodontic treatment. Well, this is my advice to you:

I'm not a doctor, so I actually can't tell you shit.

But I can tell you about my experience. I grew bunny teeth when I was about seven. I avoided getting my teeth fixed for many years, first because my parents were worried about their daughter losing four perfectly healthy teeth (even though she argued that braces looked kinda cool), and later because I never really thought about it, and even when I did, I rationalized that it was unnecessary.

Today, I'm really glad I went ahead with the decision to get fixed. It cost my parents a substantial amount of money (even though window-shopping for a cheap dentist helped us settle for a lower cost). It cost a lot of things to me too. Time (I postponed college for a semester to continue treatment), pain and self esteem. But yes, it was all worth it.

If you are thinking about braces, then realize these things-

  • It's a (sorta) cosmetic procedure. That means you most likely won't die if you don't get it done, even though misaligned teeth may go bad if they are positioned in a way that you can't reach them with a toothbrush. Unfortunately, this also means your dental insurance will most likely not pay for orthodontic treatment.
  • The sooner, the better. I really regretted having to get braces at the age of 20. At that age you are supposed to be going to college or entering the job market or starting your own business or selling things in back alleys. That is not an age when you will have a lot of time for monthly dental appointments and aches and swollen gums, to say nothing of looking like a brat. Chances are you will be sexually active too (if you are not, email me and I'll send you flowers),  and the last thing you want to do is give your partner an embarrassing and painful injury. So if you are still in high school and are thinking of braces, go ahead do it. You might look like a dork now, but trust me, when you are my age the cost of looking like a dork rises exponentially. If English is your first language and you don't know what that word "exponentially" means, you are either old enough for braces or verbally challenged. I must add though, if you are a parent and are considering orthodontic treatment for your kid, the sooner may not be the better. I think they should be old enough to understand why they need to get braces and be able take care of their teeth alone. In other words, they should be old and mature enough to make their own decisions and stick to them. Braces are hell, so don't force it on them. They will hate you with a vengeance. Wait till they are older, preferably in their early to mid teens.
  • It's a huge investment. It will cost you a lot. Be prepared for it. It will cost you a lot of money and also other things like dates. You might not get one for a year or two. And I'm afraid I must admit that I know what that feels like.
  • It's painful. Yes, it hurts like a bitch. The mouth is one of the most sensitive parts of your body and the metal scrapes your lips and cheeks constantly. Having teeth pulled out for the first time in my life was painful and traumatizing. You might also have to give up food that your teeth are no longer strong enough to break off and chew. But you do get used to it. Our bodies and minds are awesome like that. I feel an almost nostalgic attachment to my braces now. And the food thing is not so bad either. I've blogged before about tips to get around to eating almost everything. Read here.
  • Maintenance. Ideally, you need to brush after every meal. Having food stuck in your braces feels and looks disgusting so you will most likely end up making a habit of brushing. Also, this adds to your already tight schedule. You have to brush after breakfast, that means no munching on your way to school/work. You have to brush after lunch, which means you'll have to excuse yourself and sneak into a public restroom to brush, at school, at work and even when you are out at a pub with your friends. You have to brush after dinner, so no more eating in bed and cuddling up to sleep. The worst part for me, believe it or not, were the 3am hunger pangs. Imagine having to brush your teeth after eating chocolate chip cookies under your sheets.
Back to the question: Should you do it?
If you think your problem is serious enough to out weigh the above mentioned costs of the procedure, by all means do it asap. If you think those Dracula teeth are fine, or may be even a convenient pantie-dropper, forget orthodontics and move on. What ever you do, don't postpone the decision. Make one and stick to it. The longer you wait, the worse the inflation will be, and the more you will have to spend. You are also not going to get any younger. You don't want to be that balding man with braces and a mustache.

Having said all this, I'm going to leave you with this awesome song about fashion and photogenic-ness from a bygone decade. Enjoy!