On Being a Closet Metalhead

So many years, and so many deep, dark secrets that I haven't yet rambled about.... Today I will talk about being a closet metalhead.

Can you imagine what it feels like? May be you know someone - a friend or a family member - who is a closet metalhead. May be you are one yourself.

But what on earth is a "metalhead", you ask? Well let me explain one thing first. A Metalhead is a person, not a thing. In simplest English, a Metalhead is a fan of metal music. They may also be referred to as Headbangers and (less accurately) as Thrashers.

There is a common misconception that being a Metalhead is a lifestyle, that it is something you choose to do, that it is something you are indoctrinated into by misleading peers. But most metalheads will beg to differ. We were born this way, they will say.

I remember one of my first encounters with rock music. My brother and I were sitting on the couch, eating chocolate cream biscuit, and lazily flipping channels looking for cartoons. It was a beautiful afternoon, and the setting sun was streaming in through the balcony doors. We stopped when we saw a bride walking up the aisle in a short wedding dress and her black stockings. The music began, slowly and melodiously, gradually growing in intensity. We both stared slack-jawed as the scenes led into each other, the music changing, electric guitars, pianos and violins taking us on a trip. I don't know if it is possible for a pubescent girl to hold her breath for a full nine minutes, but I think that is what I did. I was transfixed, and so was my brother. We didn't say a word to each other until that bouquet of red roses landed on the coffin, its colors fading in the rain. The song ended, and we looked at each other. That moment I knew that we were not the same children anymore. Something inside had changed, a whole new side of me that lay there dormant had been uncovered. We had just heard November Rain by Guns 'n Roses.

The years went by. Meteora came out and I thought it was pretty badass. Then there was System of a Down and Evanescence. And then I befriended other children of my kind, and everything went downhill from there.

"Well Hansi, you have been thoroughly brainwashed by media and peer pressure," I hear you chide.

Not so. You see metal heads are like wizards. They are born with magic in them, they just don't know it until they get their letters of acceptance from Hogwarts!

Speaking of acceptance, that is exactly what all children find in the music. Acceptance, respect and fuel for the brain. This is perhaps where the stereotypes come from. That we are all a bunch of loners in baggy dark clothes, angry high school dropouts, failures, scum of the earth. Then there are the tattoos, the piercings, the booze, the drugs, the reckless sex- sex with children, sex with goats, sex with.... well you get my point.

We are a diverse and accepting group of people. Yes, some of us are satanists. Some of us have tattoos. Some of us dropped out of high school. And that's all okay with us. Some of us are poets and artists. Some of us are engineers, doctors, teachers, soldiers. Some of us are girls. We have jobs. We have families. We have pets. We are the closet meatlheads.

People are shocked when I tell them I love metal. They are not prepared to recognize a South Asian woman as a metalhead. I may have no tattoos (yet), and my piercings may come and go like the seasons. I am just another hard-working college student, who happens to have a mad love for this particular genre of music.

A Link Alive, Gojira.